Current mood:	good
Current music:	KT Tunstall - Black Horse and the Cherry Tree (live on Jools)
Entry tags:	acting!, fandom, fanfic, jensen and jared are really pretty, school, stupid screwed up friendships, supernatural

Is it wrong to think the smut scene you wrote is actually somewhat hot?
Or at least a little bit more than decent? 'Cause the second half of Chapter Three is kinky gay fraternal incest (somewhere, somehow, I just gave Fred Phelps bad heartburn). It has Dean on a chair with hands tied behind his back. Sam rides him. Then there's orgasm denial for Dean. And then they take a nap.

I don't know, but reading that I was like, Wow, there are a lot of my own personal kinks showing up in this. And I think it's not half-bad. Oh, sure, it's not like total porn, because it's not supposed to be. It's going to later illustrate how sex-for-fun is different from couple!sex and it was supposed to be very not vanilla, because the latter is going to be Consensual Sex in the Missionary Position. While listening to Phil Collins.

You heard right. End of Chapter Eight. You'll see. I hope.

But yeah, I was somewhat impressed. I mean, in a few years if I read it back I'll say, This sucks, but right now I don't think that. And I took clues from Jensen's sex scene in Devour. Don't think it goes OOC. Seriously, if he's anything like that in real life... hot fucking dayum.

I also started reading Watchmen today. I might go see it Sunday. I hope I do, anyway; I plan to bring it with me on the train to Boston tomorrow and read it there. If I don't get bored with listening to music/reviewing my monologue (I Hate Hamlet 2: Electric Boogaloo! Yeah, I'm doing the same one from my NYU audition, only this one I think I did well on, so I'm giving it another shot. And I already have it pretty memorized, so that won't be a problem. I'm gonna try the Meisner technique, which is just reacting to the words in the heat of the moment, so yeah)/listening to the eight or nine audiobooks I have on my iPod. All fanfiction. Mostly Wincest. Two J2, I think, and one is Aural, which is like, ridiculously porny and hot and an AU and by lazy_daze so you should go read it. The other is Common Knowledge by elucreh. If you are a member of any fandom whatsoever, especially the SPN fandom, go read this. You'll laugh your ass off. Such great affectionate parodies of fangirls. And again, J2. Jared becomes a fangirl! YAY!

But yeah. Watchmen. A few people noticed. Travis was actually enthusiastic about it, which I thought was weird but whatever. Brian noticed too; he's read it and said it was great. Christina noticed, Alyssa and Maria asked what I was reading and Maria said she wanted to read it, but probably wouldn't, and I was bummed by that because I don't like when people neglect the source material and just go see the movie (never mind that I saw The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe without reading the book--in my defense, I did try to read C.S. Lewis but I couldn't get into it. Same for Tolkien. Funny, my dad tried to read The Hobbit too and he didn't like it much either). And Sciarappa noticed. Yeah. Assistant principal. And we talked about it for half a minute, right after lunch, and I thought huh, weird. Whatever. I felt like a dork princess. That should be my FF.net handle, Dork Princess. Princess Dork. Right now it's Natasha Hyatt, after the character from The Basic Eight. Mostly used for favoriting fic. 156 so far. :-)

Blah, Ariane wasn't in today. Neither were Katie or Chrissy; they all took off. I was hurt, I won't lie about that. I wouldn't have taken off anyway, but I would have liked to have been asked. Or something. I texted Ariane last night during Supernatural, 'cause I thought she was watching. She wasn't; forgot it was Thursday. Oy. But then she texted me again and wished me luck on the Physics test we had today. Which I thought was sweet of her. I mean, she didn't have to. But she probably didn't mean it like that. Definitely not.

Also, she watched Inuyasha.

What the hell. Why is this woman so fucking perfect for me? It is so not fair, for seriously. We talked about it yesterday and it was awesome and she hasn't seen as much of it as I have but she knew about it and had a DVD of one of the movies and. Just. Grrrrrgh.

Yesterday was kind of up-and-down like that. That was an up. Also an up: putting my head down in World History, right against her left shoulderblade. She didn't mind, just asked if I was tired and I nodded and she said Aww. Downs: didn't get to sit with her at lunch because Chrissy shanghaied me into selling bagels and I wouldn't mind if Thursday lunch wasn't the only lunch I had with everyone else. Because I like sitting close to Ariane and across from Katie and Chrissy and Gina and next to Marie because, I don't know, I like having friends or something weird like that. Also a down: my movie presentation. The projector was fucked up (blue-tinted screen, couldn't be fixed), it went at the end of class so it cut off during the gag ending, which was Jensen lip-synching to "Eye of the Tiger," and it only got a few weak chuckles, no big laughs like the Elizabethan drama video. I liked the video, and I didn't make it intensely hilarious or anything, and most of the laughs were in the actual words, which meant you had to read the slides and stuff. Still, I was pretty depressed about it. Didn't tell anyone, but hey. Win some, lose some.

I've been thinking about asking for a solo during the spring concert. I think I'd do KT Tunstall's "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree," which is a song I can sing and even sort-of do the guitar chords for. And it's a fun song, and I love the visual picture I get from the title. A huge black stallion in the middle of a desert with a grey-and-blue sky and desert sand the color of orange-beige, standing by a cherry blossom tree in full, pink bloom, with some of the little petals coasting away on a warm breeze. If I were good at painting, I'd paint it.

So I might ask about that. I'd want to actually do something during the song, not just stand there and sing it. Like figure out how to use one of those loopers KT uses in live performances, like here. I'd have to get one though. And I'd want to play guitar during it. I know the chords, I just have this thing where I can't multitask if it involves music. Like I'm not that great at playing with both hands on the piano, unless one hand is just doing a chord or something.

Emerson audition tomorrow. I can't fuck it up.

I won't.